I'm a hypocrite
Or: why happiness at work is an ongoing process.
Okay. Confession time. So far in 2025 I’ve worked late more days than not. I’ve stayed up past 11 finishing tasks and then woken up the next day at 5 to cram more in. I’ve logged on on a Saturday in an attempt to ‘get ahead’. I’ve had days where I hit such a feeling of overwhelm that I’ve had to have a little cry.
And I’ve done all of this while doing a lot of writing and talking about the importance of boundaries, of leaving work on time, of not tying your self-worth too tightly to your job.
Do as I say, not as I do, I say, as a colleague calls me out for failing to take a lunch break and still having my laptop open post-6pm.
My partner said to me recently: “you have to sort this out because it’s going to be really embarrassing when you have to cancel your book launch for a book all about a healthier, happier way to work because you’re too burnt out.”
He had a point. Also, fear of embarrassment is a very good motivator for making a change.
The harsh way to look at this is that I’m a big old fibber and hypocrite, lecturing everyone else on what to do when I don’t believe in what I’m flogging. But that’s not the truth. The truth is that everything I’ve shared about work is spot on and necessary, and I stand by it. The truth is that all of this is easier said than done, however, and that fixing a relationship with work is not done simply by changing jobs.
Instead, it’s about a series of decisions, actions, thoughts, and feelings that you make moment by moment.
I’ve written previously about being a work addict, and when I did I wrote it in the past tense: I was a work addict. What I’ve realised is that, just like any addiction, if you’re a work addict, that tendency can simmer under the surface, waiting for you to give in. Alcoholics Anonymous uses the mantra: ‘One day at a time’. They’re not wrong there.
I will probably always have the propensity for an unhealthy relationship with work. That doesn’t mean I’m doomed to always be a work addict, but it does mean that I have to stay conscious of certain tendencies; to pouring myself into what I do, to defining myself by my job, to overwork, to choose keeping myself busy with tasks over just being (a common refrain from my previous therapist was that I really struggle to just be).
So: the key is those little choices. It’s deciding at 5.30pm to hit the ‘shut down’ button, even though there’s a part of my brain that says to keep going. It’s forcing myself to go on a walk at lunchtime, despite not feeling like I want to.1 It’s fighting against my natural instincts and being conscious of what I really want over what I have a craving for in the moment.
I’m making a commitment to get back on the working-in-a-healthier-way wagon, knowing that it won’t always be easy and that if I fall off, that doesn’t make me a failure or a hypocrite or mean that I’ve made a monumental, irreversible fuckup. If you’re someone who struggles with work/life boundaries, I urge you to do the same. Do as I do, and right now I’m doing my best to choose wellbeing, joy, and fulfilment. That’s not the antithesis of choosing work; it’s knowing you can have both.
Reminders to myself this week that you might find helpful too:
You can only do what you can do. Don’t take responsibility for every single thing that happens in your world of work. Just do what you can (in your working hours) and if that’s not enough, that’s not your problem.
Your evenings are your own. Claim them. Don’t let that time slip away into extra work or thinking/stressing about work. Imagine that at the end of the work day, the office gets locked up and you physically can’t get back in there until the morning. Imagine you’re in Severance if you need to.
There will always be more to do. The work never ends and if you let yourself, you could give every moment to doing it. There’s no such thing as ‘completing’ work, so you need to be the one to put in hard stops.
You are more than your 9-5. Your value as a human being is not just how well you perform at your job. Make time to do things that remind you who you are.
You value other things. I love my job and it’s very important to me… but other stuff is important, too! I need to make time to commit to those other important things, like hanging out with my cats, my relationship with my partner, fiction writing, reading books, doing woodwork. What else matters to you apart from your job? What else do you need to make time for?
Work-related reading recs:
A slightly miserable (but also hopeful?) feature on what work is like for Gen X creatives right now
When I read the phrase ‘ping fatigue’ I went YES.
Some good rules for working from cafes in here
Interesting piece on the ‘Whatsappification’ of work. Not sure how I feel about this. I get how it often crosses a boundary… but I also think that there are certain work chats you probably shouldn’t do on Slack (FYI: your boss is able and allowed to read every message you send on work communication tools). Case by case basis, I guess?
“PIP cuts won’t get me into work – they’ve made my symptoms worse”
“I’m a career coach – these are the 6 things you need to do to start enjoying your job more”
Bill Gates thinks a two-day work week might be on the way due to AI
Pre-order my first book!
I promise I won’t promote my first ever book, Working On Purpose, in *every* email, but as it’s all about working in a healthier, happier way, it feels particularly relevant for this week’s newsletter. So, to repeat: I’ve written a book! I’m very proud of it. Working On Purpose is all about how to find happiness at work and also has guides to managing the different generations, all the work trends flying about, and flexible working. It’s out in August and you can pre-order it now.
There’s a saying that goes something like: ‘if you can’t find the time to meditate for 10 minutes, you need to meditate for 20 minutes’. I feel like that about a lot of mental health interventions. If you feel like you don’t have time to go for a walk… you really need to go for a walk.