The one job rejection that still stings

And what I learned from it.

I discovered I wanted to work in journalism in my teens. For years I’d loved magazines, but I’d never even considered that I might be able to work for one. To young me, they seemed like a mystical world inhabited by rom-com protagonists and cool women who had an encyclopaedic knowledge of fashion from the womb. It was only when I was around 16 that an awareness clicked: someone was in fact working for these magazines. Why couldn’t I be one of those someones?

From then I mapped out my dream career. Based on the pages I adored and the magazines I hoarded and snipped out to stick into my own magazine scrapbook, I decided the ultimate goal: to become features editor at a magazine that I’ll refer to as M Magazine, because I don’t want to get sued and also I don’t want to shit on a magazine I still love and respect.

From then on, every career decision I made was in pursuit of that role. I begged my way to be a runner at London Fashion Week shows, carving up the bottom of models’ shoes to add friction. I worked as a ‘hostess’ for a company that charged aspiring models to have their picture taken, then got paid £10 a week by the same company to write an article summarising the latest episode of Britain’s Next Top Model (no, I don’t know why this website wanted the reality TV ramblings of a teenager either). I started my own fashion blog. I spent hours on applications to M magazine in any position I could find - a talent scheme! Unpaid work experience! A receptionist! I’d do whatever, just let me in!

Eventually my hard work started to pay off with proper journalism jobs. I got an internship for a website I loved, CollegeCandy, which then led to freelance work there, then shifts at Cosmopolitan.co.uk (thank you, Kate Lucey, for interviewing me for a job I was extremely underqualified for then, rather than laughing me out of the room, asking if I might be interested in writing for the website), then a lifestyle reporter role at Metro.co.uk. From there I worked my way up - senior lifestle reporter, lifestyle editor, lifestyle and weekend editor.

In my first year at Metro, I was loving life getting paid full-time to write articles, but when a digital writer role at M Magazine came up, of course I applied. And this time, I made some headway. I got invited to a first-round interview. Oh my god. I nailed that and got invited to another interview. Oh my fucking god. I got the phone call: a job offer! Not exactly features editor at M Magazine, but close! Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

But.

The writer job came with a salary that was quite a bit below what I was making. I can’t remember the exact amount that was offered, but I know at the time at Metro I was earning £26k (which felt like immense wealth coming from a copywriting job that paid £18.5k), and I remember it was a significant drop. Still giddy on the phone, I explained that it would be a pay cut and, after asking if there was wiggle room (no), asked if I could take the evening to think about it. They said all fine, so away I went to tell my family and friends and suss out if I could still pay rent for my houseshare and afford the basics of food and transport.

Now, I am reluctant to mention this part of the story because to this day I think my dad feels guilty about it, but here’s what happened. My dad advised me to play a bit hard ball. It’s not his fault! He was a teacher then worked at the Citizens Advice Bureau. He had no experience of the world of fashion journalism, where people regularly work for free and are expected to be grateful for the honour. He suggested that I go back to them and ask for more money. He also noted that the paycut would be larger than I expected, because I’d also be giving up my freelance work (along with working at Metro full-time, I was still doing shifts for Cosmo and columns for CollegeCandy), and suggested asking for the ability to continue freelancing to make up for the drop in income.

I pondered it over the evening. I told my dad I would of course ask for more money, because I didn’t want to be an idiot, but in my mind I had already decided: I would say yes whatever they said, because it was my dream. Again, M Magazine! The publication that made me fall in love with journalism! The workplace I’d been trying to get into since my teens!

The next morning, I called the editor back but they didn’t answer the phone, so I sent an email. Here’s what it read:

Hi [name],

Further to our conversation yesterday, I was just wondering if it would be possible to confirm whether or not freelancing would be allowed as part of the role. 

At the moment I make around 3K a year through Cosmo and other freelance stuff, so it would definitely helpful to be able to supplement a slightly lower salary and get it back up to a little closer to where it is right now. 

I totally understand if this isn't possible, and - just to reiterate - I really want to take this job and am really excited about working for [M Magazine]. It's just that I need to ask these questions and get a proper sense of what my financial situation would be like so I can be fully prepared and know that I'm making a smart decision. 

Sorry for all the back and forth, and thank you so much for being so understanding!

Thank you,

Ellen

No reply came. Then I missed a call mid-morning (I was on shift at Metro). I called back, no answer. I called again, no answer. I sent a message to say I was here and ready to chat. I was, at this point, hyped. I was about to say yes to a job at my dream publication! What a thrill!

Finally, my phone rang. I hustled down the escalator, telling the editor to bear with while I got outside so I had decent signal. Out in the street by Whole Foods, I started to say how I would love to accept the offer, and don’t worry about responding to the email because actually it’s FINE, when the editor interjected. “We’ve offered the job to someone else.”

“To be honest, the girl we’ve offered it to isn’t as qualified as you are,” she continued. “She doesn’t have the experience, she doesn’t have the knowledge. She won’t be as good as you would have been. But Ellen: she didn’t need to ‘think about it’. She said an immediate yes. She jumped at the chance.”

At this point I was still trying to interrupt, to say please, tell this other girl you’ve changed your mind. I’ll take the job for whatever money you’ll give me. I’ll pay you. Please, please, please.

Then the editor delivered the brutal blow: “You’re just clearly not an M Magazine girl.”

I am not ashamed to say that I cried.

“A real M Magazine girl wouldn’t have needed to take the evening to think about it,” she said. “A true M Magazine girl would have jumped at the chance.”

I begged and pleaded. I explained that I had been calling this morning to accept the role, that I had only asked about the freelancing or for more money because my Dad had recommended I did, that I would have moved back home to make it work, whatever, please, please, please just give me a chance. It was a no. That was that.

After hanging up the phone I had a good cry and a panic attack, then wiped my tears and headed back inside to finish my shift. I was shaken for a long time afterwards. I was a subscriber to the magazine that had snubbed me (surely a sign that I was an M Magazine girl?? Right??) and let the print editions pile up back at my parents’ house. It hurt too much to even look at them. I sunk into a deep despair, believing that all my dreams were dead and thus there was no way forward for me (some additional context: I had not yet started taking medication for my depression and OCD). I felt completely lost.

Eventually, I moved on. And things worked out great! I got promoted at Metro, then after seven and a half excellent years there I got an offer for a job at Stylist, another magazine I loved for years and assumed wasn’t a realistic option. I’m glad things went as they did, but god, that rejection was brutal and really did wreck me for quite some time. It also taught me some important lessons. Here are four.

Trust yourself

Again, not trying to pile blame on to my Dad, but… what would he know about the ins and outs of fashion journalism? I shouldn’t have let myself be swayed by his advice when deep down I knew what I wanted. There’s nothing wrong with asking for advice, but when it comes to your career you’re the person who knows best.

How they are when they’re interviewing you is a good indicator of what they’ll be like to work for

Looking back, I am so, so glad that I didn’t end up working at M Magazine, because their cruelty during the rejection didn’t point to a great working environment. I’ve since heard from people who did work there that the experience was… not fun!

I’m now much more in tune with picking up any red flags during the interview process. If even then there are signs of a toxic work culture, I’m out of there. The interview is when both you and your potential employers are supposed to be on the best behaviour… if at that stage things are less than ideal, run.

Give yourself permission to keep your life plan fluid

While I wish the process of being knocked off course hadn’t been quite so gutting, I’m glad that I was shaken out of that rigid plot forward. As a result of the rejection, I had to check in with myself and what I really wanted. I had been so focused on a set end goal of working for a print magazine that I was ignoring how much I loved digital journalism. I was also closing myself off to other things that interested me, like writing fiction.

Now, I don’t have a life plan that’s anywhere near as solid. I’m keeping it loose and fluid. I’m giving myself permission to change, to want different things, to explore. That’s incredibly freeing, and means I’m more able to find fulfilment in bigger goals that aren’t so tied to one specific role at one specific magazine.

Things work out

One door closes, a window opens. What isn’t meant for you will pass you. Things fall apart so they can come together stronger and better, etc etc. I’m not big into ideas of fate and the universe making things happen, but I’ve discovered that things do have a weird way of working out, often for the best. I love my current job so, so much (like, to an embarrassing fangirl degree), and all the stuff I’m doing alongside it, and who knows if I would be here if I had got the M Magazine job. On a non-career note, if I had left Metro when I got that job offer, I probably wouIdn’t have started dating the man I met there and who is still my partner now, meaning I wouldn’t be writing this newsletter sat next to him on the sofa, with the most wonderful cat in the world, Babka, sitting on my shoulder. I wouldn’t give up how life worked out for anything.

---

Work-related reading recs:

• Good piece on ‘misalignment burnout’

• Why millennials are quitting the rat race in favour of a soft life

• How to deal with ‘workplace vampires’ who drag down the energy of the whole team

• Really enjoyed reading this collection of pieces about influencers who turned their backs on the things that made them famous

• Do you have a fake email job?

And a non-careers related self-promo push

This has nothing to do with work BUT I loved writing this feature for Stylist+ exploring how we all embraced being boring, complete with a mega list of 100 undeniably dull joys. Please read it.