Christmas party dos and don'ts for bosses and managers
Because junior staff have been told not to get too drunk enough times.
Every year around this time there’s a cascade of articles about how to comport yourself at imminent office festive parties. These tend to focus on junior staff, advising workers not to get too drunk, not to hook up with colleagues, to say no to drugs. All of this advice is valid. But I think most people have heard this wisdom enough times to get the drift: kissing or vomiting on your boss is a bad idea and a hangover is made 10 times worse by having to go shamefaced into work the next day.
What’s less ubiquitous is advice for senior members of staff – the execs, the managers, the big bosses. And frankly, they are very often the ones misbehaving. Their senior status protects them from a proper telling-off, so it’s easy for these people to think their festive activities are perfectly acceptable. On the flip side, there are lots of managers (especially at the mid level) who aren’t sure how they’re supposed to conduct themselves in wine-sloshed, mistletoe-bedazzled festivities. For both types of senior staff, here are some dos and don’ts. Yes, from experience, having witnessed many of the don’ts over the years…
Don’t get too drunk
Yes, the same standard advice also applies to you, managers and bosses. Because there are few things worse than forcing people who earn less than you to book you an Uber home and force-feed you bread. Don’t get sloppy drunk. It’s embarrassing and at this point in your career (and life!) you should know your own limits. You should never, ever be the drunkest person at the party, or even the second or third drunkest. You want at least four people drunker than you.
Do go
I know some people leaders who just don’t attend Christmas parties. They think it’s not their place, or they want to leave everyone to it, or they don’t enjoy forced festivities. I think that’s such a shame! Definitely go and have a couple of drinks. Show your face. Chat to people. It’s important that you’re there.
But don’t be the last to leave
The best bosses I’ve had will do a polite exit fairly early. This means everyone else can properly let loose without the anxiety caused by having their boss observing their every move. It might sound harsh to say, but I don’t think Christmas work parties are for bosses and senior people to really go wild at. You can have a big night out with people who don’t work with you. Plus, it’s true that nothing good happens after 11pm.
If you make a speech, do make sure you give a shout-out to everyone
It feels so incredibly shit when your boss is listing off all the brilliant work people have done that year and skips over you. If you don’t want to sow resentment, give a shout-out to every single person on your team. One thing that can help with this is not focusing purely on the big stats or moneymakers – if you only shout out the ad team who landed a massive campaign, it makes everyone else (who’s likely worked just as hard, just in an area that doesn’t directly, obviously translate to the big wins) feel like their work isn’t valued. It’s Christmas. Don’t make people feel rubbish. It’s a good idea to write your speech beforehand or do some bullet points to make sure you don’t unintentionally skip over a team or individual.
Don’t let the fear of leaving someone out make you skip the speech
People want to hear from you! Everyone will also be feeling very reflective. Everyone wants to look back on the year that’s been with fuzzy rose-tinted glasses. As the boss, it’s your job to make that happen, with an excellent speech that makes everyone feel appreciated and respected.
Don’t do drugs with people you work with
You might think this should go without saying. Agree! And yet…
Sharing a bag with colleagues in the loos is a terrible idea for many reasons. It has so much potential for awkwardness – no one is their best self on drugs and seeing your boss’s jaw jittering as they endlessly yammer on about themselves is an instant respect-killer. The money dynamic is always weird, too. If you’re the boss who buys the coke and offers it around, you get an immediate weird drug pusher vibe. If you nab a line off someone junior, you’ll be the person who’s tight despite earning more. And doing anything illegal with or in front of people you work with puts them in a very scary position of power. Do you really want the knowledge that if you piss someone off, they can go straight to your boss and spill? Or to the actual police?
I’m not here to tell you not to do drugs. Just do them in your own time, at parties with people who won’t wait until you’re off your face and then ask you for a raise.
Do get a round in
You may not be well paid, but if you’re a boss or manager you’re likely better paid than a lot of people you work with. The least you can do to make up for this is get one round of drinks in.
Don’t do a performance
Karaoke, a sexy dance, magic tricks… no. Please don’t do it. It’s so incredibly uncomfortable for everyone involved, especially because few people are as talented as they think they are.
Do take part in an activity
If everyone’s playing shuffleboard, get involved! If there’s an opportunity for a karaoke duet (rather than an on-stage solo), go for it! It’s nice to show you’re up for having fun. I sometimes talk to managers, especially those new to their roles, who are really conscious of trying to keep a distance from their team to be ‘professional’. I get that, but there are ways to stay respectable and respectful while still being part of the team.
Don’t pretend you can’t see inappropriate behaviour
If you witness an employee being a massive creep or someone on your team appearing to be absolutely wasted, please don’t do the whole ‘I’m off the clock! None of my business!’ thing. While the responsibility isn’t all on you, you do have some responsibility for making sure everyone is safe and having a good time. Pull the creep to one side and tell them to knock it off (then absolutely follow it up in the office). Get the very drunk person to have a seat and drink some water. And send them home if they get so sloshed they say something inappropriate. Then, again, follow up in the office later. Don’t give people a free pass just because they’re drunk or it’s Christmas.
And don’t engage in inappropriate behaviour
Be mindful of your position (it’s one of power, even if you don’t feel that powerful as a middle manager) and act accordingly. Any kind of flirting with or touching of someone junior to you is an extremely bad idea. No, Christmas is not an excuse. Neither is mistletoe or drunken merriment. If you’re that desperate for a coworker hook-up, choose someone on your paygrade.
Do make an effort to talk about non-work stuff
It’s tempting to use this time to chat about all the important things you’ve been meaning to get round to discussing in meetings. Or to use this as a chance to finally praise someone one-to-one on that presentation they did. Don’t do it. It’s likely people will have had too much champagne to be of any use or to remember the conversation the next day. Plus, it’s a downer. Now is the time for fun chat about life outside of the office.
But do avoid certain topics
Politics, religion, emotional baggage – all subjects of discussion best saved for people you don’t work with. Also, the big one: be very, very cautious of money discussions. It has a sneaky way of coming up in these environments but wealth tends to be a very bad thing to chat about with people who might be earning significantly less than you are. If salary or general finances comes up, redirect. I’m all for clear, honest communication about pay rates, but a Christmas party is one of the worst places for that. Emotions are heightened, inhibitions are lowered, and I’ve too often witnessed someone’s face drop when they discover how much more someone else is getting paid – yes, they should absolutely know that information so they can fight for fairness, but not at a party where they then have to put on a happy face for hours.
Don’t slip into bitching and moaning
It’s very easy for Christmas parties to spiral into a drunken bitch where everyone’s ranting about all the various injustices that occurred at work for the last year. Don’t bring down the vibe. Bite your tongue on any gripes and if anyone tries to initiate grumbling in a group, be the person who shuts it down and moves the chat into more positive ground.
Do be chill about work the next day
If the party isn’t on a Friday, do everyone a solid and say it’s fine for them to start late/work from home/do whatever else they need if they’re feeling rough. It’s one day. Who cares if a little less gets done? Also, if you’re all in the office the day after, you’ll get so many boss points for ordering in breakfast or lunch. A mass supply of Greggs vegan sausage rolls is always a great shout.
Work-related reading recs:
Solidarity with staff at the Observer. Awful situation dealt with terribly by those in charge. This is a decent explanation of the issue if you’re not across it.
Interesting column from my boss on ‘youngism’, which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. Not so much these days, at the ripe old age of 31.
Some juicy secrets in here: 15 women on the thing they haven’t told their boss
An interesting read from someone who loves spending three hours commuting every day
Oh GOD this is so hard and I’m glad it’s being talked about: how to deal when you have two bosses (and they don’t talk to each other)