7 ways to deal with the 'I'm shit' spiral

We all experience self-doubt. Here are 7 ways to manage it.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it much here (meaning this specific newsletter. I know I’ve mentioned it lots elsewhere on the internet), but I am a person with depression and OCD. I’m on medication, it’s fine, but sometimes the mental health issues manage to poke their way through the fluoxetine. Or, as happened last week, I’ll run out of medication and struggle to get a refill, and then somehow be very surprised when I experience depression symptoms as a result of not taking antidepressants for more than 7 days.

All this goes to say: I often tip into a cycle of negative thinking, particularly about myself. This is not an unusual experience. My negative thoughts about myself might be more intense than the average, non-depressed person, but what I’ve learned is that pretty much everyone experiences moments of self-doubt, especially around their work - there’s a reason the Sunday scaries are a common enough experience that they have a catchy name.

In an ideal society, anyone who often experiences such intense self-doubt on a regular basis would immediately get the mental health treatment they need, but, alas, this is not the place in which we currently live. Also, as I know, even if you’re receiving treatment, sometimes self-criticism still happens. And those who are mentally well can still have moments of worrying about their ability. So what can we do, aside from paying for therapy, to deal with those periods where we start to think we’re shit at everything, untalented, failing, doomed to get fired, doomed to stagnate, etc, etc?

I’ve got a couple of ideas.

Fact-check the negative thoughts

Anyone who has ever had CBT will know this one. Each time a self-critical thought pops up, fact-check it. Offer an alternative option. My brain says you are bad at your job and should be sacked and I try to say sorry, do you have any proof of that? Have you considered that I’m actually quite good at my job? It doesn’t matter if I don’t believe the positive alternative yet - I just need to challenge myself to offer it up. I need to ask whether the self-flagellation is remotely rooted in reality.

Gather evidence

When you’re fact-checking your inner critic, you’ll need evidence to the contrary of what it’s saying. Try to gather evidence that you are, in fact, nailing it, any time you can. I really like the idea of a sunshine folder, where you can screenshot or write down any good feedback and praise, and refer back to it when you need hard proof that you’re not as shit as your mind is telling you.

Embrace the cringe mountain

I saw a TikTok the other day that posited the concept of the ‘cringe mountain’. This is the idea that when you start doing anything and putting yourself out there, it is inevitably going to be deeply embarrassing. This is for two reasons: one is that your early attempts at anything are not going to be your best and two, the very nature of trying is cringe. It’s not cool to be seen trying to be something or do something. We really hold up nonchalance and effortless as the ideal.

But in order to achieve coolness and success, to reach the top, you’ll have to climb the mountain. Everyone’s done it - Ariana Grande, Timothée Chalamet, Bella Hadid - and reminding yourself of this can be incredibly helpful. When you feel like what you’re doing is awful and shameful, reframe this as merely a moment of the climb.

You can also use this framework as a shit mountain or a failure mountain. Look at successful business people and they’ll all say the same thing: they had to fail over and over before achieving what they wanted. Look at creatives who have honed their skills by creating a pile of rubbish work before their masterpiece. You’re not in your flop era. You’re just at base camp. Keep on climbing.

Do something easy

Get your confidence back up by doing something you know you can knock out with little effort or thought. I haven’t been feeling great about my writing or editing recently. Doing some easy edits on a friend’s job application letter was a good way to dip my toe back in and remind myself that this is a skill I do have, no matter what my brain is telling me.

Do something hard

On the flip side, doing something challenging can shake you out of the ‘I’m shit’ spiral… and act as powerful evidence that you’re not as shit as you think. I like the ‘train the brave’ concept, which suggests that courage is a muscle and you can build it by doing little acts of bravery every day. Emphasis on the little: it might not feel super courageous to do some writing, but pushing through fear, even if it’s just fear that you’re rubbish, is indeed brave.

Ask who your inner critic is

When your inner critic pipes up, what do they sound like? It can be helpful to identify that negative voice as someone separate from yourself. You might notice yours sounds a lot like someone in real life; an ex-partner, a parent, a toxic boss. In which case, address them as such: that isn’t some bigger truth talking, but X person being a prick again. Or yours won’t sound like someone else, but you can trace it back to a specific feeling or fear. Recognise where these thoughts are coming from, who the voice is, and then give it a name. It’s much easier to tell a specific person to fuck off, and to dismiss them as just a nuisance that’s always blabbering away, than to try to tackle an amorphous part of your own mind.

Be shit

Okay, so you’re not good at anything, says your brain. And? So what? It’s not illegal to do something that’s a bit rubbish (as long as it’s not fraud). You won’t die (as long as it’s not dangerous stunts). Often the answer to the ‘I’m shit’ spiral is to just keep going through it. Accept that your work is shit, but it’s still getting done. Lower your standards so that, at least while you’re in the spiral, ‘done and shit’ is better than ‘not done’. Do your work and let it be shit if it needs to be*. It’s probably fine.

*Of course, once you start doing the work it’s unlikely to actually be shit, but giving yourself permission for it to be shit is the block-releaser you need to just get on with it. Push onwards. Embrace the shit.

How do you deal with the ‘I’m shit’ spiral? I am extremely keen to hear methods that have worked, so please do comment or reply with yours.

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Work-related reading recs:

• Very important read on the reality of workaholism

• I really liked editing this piece on adaptability as a key skill for today’s world of work

• What’s the difference between capacity and capability?

• How to spot a female psychopath at work

• “Ignore the rightwing moaners. We don’t have 9m shirkers – they just want better work” - SPOT ON

• Why you hate bringing your lunch to work

• Okay, I know this is a tenuous link to work and careers, but here’s a fascinating story of a top surgeon who tanked his job by branding his initials into people’s livers

• Another important piece on women working ‘the extra shift’